How will the world be a better place when you’re gone?  Will your presence have made any impact at all? 

There is a program close to my heart called CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) and it makes a difference in the lives of children who are tangled up in the legal system as a result of a CPS investigation.  These are kids who have been the victims of abuse or neglect in some way and have typically been removed from their parents or caretakers while an investigation is underway. During the investigation, the State has one year, to determine the best outcome for the children. The kids are assigned a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) which means they have their own attorney. In addition to the GAL, there is a CPS worker, the parents attorney’s, the DA’s office and CASA all investigating the circumstances of the case. The children are placed either with a relative or a Foster home until the matter is resolved. As you can imagine, it can be traumatic for these confused children who in most cases, would rather endure abuse than be separated from the adults who represent their security. The CASA interacts with all these professionals to ensure the best course of action is ultimately determined.

I personally love the feeling of helping children who are helpless but if CASA isn’t your gig don’t just close this article and disregard.  It’s the theory of “Paying it Forward” and we can all do something to help regardless of how we do it.

We just finished a Presidential election. If you’re like me, elections can sometimes be frustrating when we as a society, are measured by our earnings and not much else. If we do nothing notable to be measured by, then we can’t very well blame the Government for finding an ambiguous way to do it.

If I ran for President, I would implement a way to measure people by their action (or inaction) in the world around them. I imagine it sort of the same way we monitor community service hours in the legal system.  In my ideal world, I’d want to know what each taxpayer was doing to contribute their time to meaningful programs and taxes would be set accordingly.   Can you imagine how much less tax our Government would need to collect if every citizen gave 10 hours a month to help others? 

Ok, so I’ll never run for President and perhaps I’m an eternal optimist but imagine what this Country (or the World) would be like if we all gave of our time willingly? It doesn’t matter how much money you earn, we all have the exact same number of hours in a day. Time may be the ONLY resource that every human on earth has equally on a daily basis regardless of their circumstances. Someone making minimum wage, or even someone who is unemployed can volunteer their time.

Now, I’m not tooting my own horn, but there is something inside me that makes it impossible for me to sit back and do nothing but throw money at a bell-ringing Santa during the holidays and then check “charitable contribution” off my list of to do’s.  I am proud to be a part of several nonprofit organizations and am even more proud to know that so many of my relatives, close friends and associates are like-minded in giving of themselves. I have the amazing good fortune of being surrounded by many people who selflessly give of themselves and who motivate me to want to do more…..but for each of them, I have other friends or acquaintances that do nothing.

Here is my challenge for 2009: I call it “10 in 9″

Imagine if every person in this country over the age of 18 (kids can make a difference too) gave 10 hours a month in 2009 (10 in 9) to a nonprofit of their choice, whether it was for the benefit of children, those with disabilities, veterans, the homeless, animals or the environment. Wouldn’t this Country be in an amazing position?  That is a mere 120 out of 8760 possible hours each year. If you think I’m nuts, ask yourself this…….would you take my challenge if it meant you got a big fat tax break? If you answered yes, then you really should look at your motives. We’re all a part of this awesome Country and if we want to make it different, we have to step up, with or without a tax break!

Will you take the challenge and find a place to volunteer 10 hours per month next year?  If you start your research now and find a place that fits your skills, you can easily hit the ground running by January 1, 2009! You will be amazed at how much you’ll get from giving. You’ll get to know a lot of wonderful new friends, you’ll grow tremendously as a person and you will make the lives of others better. If 10 hours sounds tough, start out as a family and share a volunteer job. Then you can build up from there.

Challenge your friends, your co-workers and even your kids to get involved and start giving of themselves. Check with your employer to see if they do some type of matching or if they offer comp time for you to participate in nonprofit work. Be the leader in your company, neighborhood or church and teach your children what it means to give. Challenge your friends and family to take the “10 IN 9″ challenge!

www.volunteermatch.org

www.voatx.org

www.volunteernorthtexas.org

www.indeed.com/q-Community-Volunteer-l-Dallas-Texas-jobs.html

One of the things I was born to do is write. Years ago, I took the plunge and started writing books that I was burning to put on paper. One was a story about my life and the painful journey through my 30’s. The other was a series of daily drills to help readers change and improve their lives. In addition, I wrote a series of children’s books that were inspired by my work with CASA (watch for a coming article on CASA) where I acted as an advocate for children who were caught up in the legal system as a result of abuse or neglect by their parents. I did some research, studied the art of writing and set out to reach this goal that I’d always put off. All of my work was finally coming out on paper and I was so proud of myself…………then……my home was burglarized and my computer was stolen. My files were not backed up.

I lost all of my hard work and with that, my motivation to write was gone. Though I still longed to put my stories on paper, I repressed and rejected the desire because I felt so violated by the loss. That was about 6 years ago and it’s been hard to regroup because it was like losing a part of me. It was my heart written on paper. It’s human nature to put off things we know we should do. It’s even our nature to put off things that would actually benefit us like exercise, overdue doctor visits, spring cleaning or even writing a Will. It’s so much easier to avoid than follow through.

My husband John owns a State Farm Insurance Agency. He comes home day after day telling me stories about his clients and the circumstances they find themselves in because they waited too long to get insurance. He had a client last week who needed long term care but put it off until one diagnosis made it so expensive he could no longer afford it.  John witnesses ’avoidance in action’ each time he hears a client say ”maybe next year”.  Sadly, he has also held the hand of a spouse who is grieving the loss of their partner and had to tell them that they never got the coverage they needed.

What is it about us that causes us to delay the things we know we should do? I pushed aside writing when I knew it was something I was created to do. I made every excuse not to start a book because it seemed so unattainable. The cartoon at the top of this article was me!  Some people procrastinate by nature but others delay doing important things because of fear.  I am certain that the fear of failure is what held me back for so long.  I mean, after all, what if I wrote a book and no one wanted to publish it? What if I believed it was something I was meant to do and then I STUNK at it?

Well, what if it did? I’ve learned through my journey of life, that everything happens for a reason.  So what if I wrote a stinky book?  Do you know how many times Einstein, the Wright Brothers and Alexander Graham Bell, to name a few, failed?  What if they’d given up?  Perhaps they learned that failure was an integral part of growth and a needed ingredient for the recipe of ‘great success’? What do we have to lose to step out and try? I’m speaking to myself of course.

I’m writing this today for myself as much as I am to inspire others. I’ve taken steps to get my creative juices flowing again. This Blog for example, has given me the motivation I needed to start writing again. It’s a new medium, but it feels great!  You, my subscribers, have encouraged me with your comments and emails telling me you enjoy this site. I recently determined that I was ready to start from scratch with my books! They’ll be better this time! I’ve joined the area Writers Guild and am brushing up on my skills! I have also taken on a writing partner Elisa (www.strategicstones.com) who like me, knows that she has a book inside her just waiting to be born! We are blending our ideas and working on a project that will bring something new to the world of personal growth and self help. She motivates me, and I try to motivate her.

So, what keeps you from clearing off that monster “TO DO” list that hangs like a boat anchor around your neck? We’re nearing the end of another year and it will soon be time to ring in the new. Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Will your next year look like the last one or are you going to change something?

Is it time to start saving for retirement? Is it time to get that Will updated? Is it time to buy life insurance? Is it time to clear out clutter in your attic? Is it time to get the medical checkup you’ve put off or start exercising? Is it time to reach for a personal goal that you know you need to conquer? Is it time to find a good counselor and work on you? Is it time to attend the Boot Camp after so many invitations? Is it time to go visit that relative who is aging or write that letter to an old friend? Is it time to say “I’m sorry” for a wrong you did long ago? Is it time to find a gym or to start taking the morning walk you think about but never do? What are the things you know you need and want to get done but keep putting off?

Time goes by so fast. If you’re like me, it seems to be moving by in dog years! You can arrive in 2009 feeling accomplished and purposeful or you can continue worrying about the things you know you need to get done. Will you grow old wondering “what if I’d only…”? Will you face your challenges and reach your goals or will you regret the wasted time when it’s too late? I’m not trying to be dramatic or scare you, but I am hoping to encourage you to command your life! Don’t let life wash over you! Make it happen! Next year will come and GO either way.

What are you waiting for?

Do you ever just feeling like giving up on things you’re working hard to gain? Do you think about throwing in the towel or just settling for what you have now because what you want seems so far away? Do you ever feel that you choose the easy path? You know the path I mean….the path of least resistance. Remember the characters from the Peanuts cartoon? Lucy seemed determine to keep Charlie Brown off balance. She was always interfering with his success. It’s easy to feel like Charlie when life seems to get too hard. You try and you try, but someone just keeps moving the ball.

If life had a button that saidhow many times would you have pushed it to get out of a tough place?

Let me tell you a story about our son Thomas. He is 15 and freshman who is playing high school football for the first time this year. That’s a big deal for a football family! Rain or shine, my husband John would sit through absolutely every second of every practices and games if he could. Thomas, being a chip off the old block, is crazy about sports and is very good athlete. Before the season even began, Thomas was tackled hard during a practice and injured his back. Not a catastrophic injury but he was out of commission for a couple of weeks and didn’t get to play in his team’s first game of the season. Even though he couldn’t play, he suited up and walked the sidelines with the coaches taking in every moment and cheering his team on. Without hesitation or nudging from us, he went faithfully to every practice when all he could do was watch. As soon as he got better, he was back in the game! A game or so later, he was hit again reinjured his back but he kept pushing through the pain to play. Most people would have thrown in the towel and said, I QUIT, but not Thomas.

Throughout the season, he has made some really great plays and he loves being on the team but last week he was hurt again when he twisted his ankle. He was on crutches for the better part of a week. He may or may not get to play his last game this week but either way he will once again, be there with a great attitude! Thomas’ outlook challenges me every time I think quitting seems like the best choice. It is easy to see those times clearly, when there is a constant reminder of “don’t give up” wrapped up in a 15 year old package under my own roof.

I have an analogy that I like to use with my coaching clients. It of course, involves football. Imagine life as a giant game of football. There are those who buy tickets and sit in the stands and there are those who suit up and get in the game. There are always far more people watching than playing. Life is much the same. There are those who sit by watching others live life to the fullest and there are those who suit up and get into the game. Those who play the game know they might get hurt but they wouldn’t sit out for anything. They will win some and loose some but they always turn out to play either way.

How are you living your life? Are you a bystander or are you willing to get in the game of life and take a risk? In life, you will get hurt and you will lose sometimes. The true test of your character and determination however, is in whether you learn from your losses and suit up again or if you retreat to the stands. When football games are over, the players watch the video tapes of every play as part of their training. They don’t do that so they can be humiliated by reviewing their mistakes, they watch tapes so they can learn from them.

If you shut down and turn off your heart, you may be doomed to a life of “watching” others. The old saying “the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat” is true. You can’t have the thrill of winning without some pain along the way. It’s just the way it is. Life will knock you down sometimes but if you don’t play, you can’t win.

So I’ll ask you again….are you a quitter? Are you an observer or a participant? Maybe it’s time to dust off those pads and get back in the game. Remember, when you lose, the win is just around the corner!

Now is your chance to be heard! We’ve listened to the debates, read the articles, sifted through fact and fiction (hopefully) and now it’s time to use our voices!

Some of you know that my view of politics is, ONE VOICE, ONE VOTE, so I tend to look down on all the slamming and spamming that goes on.  Each of us gets to vote our conscience based upon our own values, circumstances and needs.  All the noise, yard signs, rally’s and posturing won’t change that at the polls. 

I do however; feel it’s important to talk about the ACT of voting!  I know it’s easy to feel like your vote doesn’t really matter but……..that is wrong!  Our rights, liberties and freedoms have been protected by those who have gone before us, so that we could be heard.  Years ago, people actually lost their lives fighting for the right to participate in our voting process.  The way I see it, it isn’t only our right to vote, it is our duty! 

I’ve been asked about my personal political views and I freely share them when asked however; I don’t have a need to make anyone else wrong if they vote differently than I do.  Isn’t that what being an American is all about anyway?  Regardless of whom my friends or family vote for, I am just thrilled to know they participated! 

Since I’m not a straight ticket kind of voter, I tend to dig really deep into the issues.  I use my own personal senses to determine the truth and I don’t lend much credibility to what I hear in the media.  It takes a lot more time but I would rather vote my conscience than align with a party.  Either way I encourage you to think for yourself and to do more than listen to the words of reporters or politicians as they are all spin doctors.  Few politicians actually stand on truth for whatever reason so it’s up to YOU to educate yourself on what is real and accurate.

Here are some great sites that I have been plugging into over the past few months. They are bipartisan sites and even if you haven’t yet begun to dig into the race, it’s not too late to start.  I know the facts can be daunting because what one candidate says the other directly contradicts.  Then they spin it back on the other and confusion is created.  Well, don’t shut down, dig in!  Find out for yourself what history says about what each candidate and their track record.  It is all there if you look for it!

http://wire.factcheck.org/

http://www.npr.org/

http://www.factcheck.org/

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/

http://elections.nytimes.com/2008/president/candidates/obama-mccain.html

Here’s how I do it; since there are so many issues to study, determine what the top 3 or 4 important issues are to you. Is your hot button the economy or personal freedoms like abortion? Whatever the case, don’t settle on just one issue to measure your candidate. Pick a few and measure the candidates by all of those pertinent issues. It makes it hard to find one candidate who brings it all to the table.  In the end, it isn’t about charisma or persona, it’s about that gut feeling you get when you know which candidate is right for you. 

Here is one of my own personal guidelines (take it or leave it) I use in making my final decision on who I will vote for.    It is this; there is no free ride for any American. Our Country was founded upon the sweat and blood of men and women who didn’t settle for mediocrity.  When we allow our Government to mandate our choices, we are losing our freedom.  When we allow Government to set our minimums and maximums, we give up our liberty.  Setting standards is one thing but making requirements of the people based on only one marker???  Well, I don’t think that makes sense.  When I hear about “mandates”, I tend to turn the other way because if something is required of me, I have lost my right to choose and therefore, I have lost freedom.  If I don’t vote against that, I forfeit a freedom!

This year’s election has been nothing short of bad Broadway musical complete with an out-of-step chorus line and bad acting!  Don’t allow yourself to be corralled based upon the candidates race or gender and remember, in 2008, we will have a FIRST no matter which candidate wins!  THAT is very cool!  Anyway, pay attention to the absolute facts and most of all remember this: Democrats and Republicans have pretty much always said they were going to change the same things in our Government and for years, each time one or the other is in office, they do about one tenth (if that) of the things they talked about prior to their election.  In fact, the issues after the Oath of Office are taken; seldom include the issues being raved about on the campaign trail.  Don’t be sucked in or confused by the extremes of two parties.  Campaign issues are dramatic and bi polar on purpose so that people can clearly determine a side to be on!

The power of the Office is limited by design.  The answer lies somewhere in the middle and does the power and ability of the President.  Don’t forget to look at the values, morals and background so you can get an idea of how they align with your views and how you feel they would work for our Country.  When the election is over, if you come to me to talk about the outcome, my first question will be “did you vote”?  If you’re approached for a discussion or a gripe session, you should ask the same thing.  I won’t entertain complaints by those who don’t participate in the voting process.  My personal political mantra is this: If you don’t vote, DON’T Bitch!  NOW THAT WOULD BE A GREAT BUMPERSTICKER!

A few years ago my life was in a storm and as storms go, it seemed it would never end. If your a regular at this site, you may recall when I wrote about a time when I wanted to end my relationship with God. Well, this story happened a few years later around 2003 or 2004 when another stressful period of life came. This time, I wasn’t mad at God and I didn’t feel betrayed by God. What I felt was that I was insignificant to God. I was a Director with the Boot Camp which involves my giving between 30 and 40 hours of my time per month to help other people realize their value and purpose. I felt like God was being very quick to use me for HIS purpose but being very stingy in blessing or helping me in return. Right or wrong, that’s how I felt.

I knew God loved me in my head, but in my heart, it felt like God wasn’t paying attention to my situation. Remember the “attorney” I told you about in previous articles, (see the article “Are you living in your story.”) you know, the little devil with a brief case that sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear?  Well he had lots of proof that God wasn’t being very protective of me.  I started to feel that all the hype about God being a loving and concerned Father was a lie and it felt as if I was anything but His precious child. I was exhausted, defeated and feeling very unimportant.

Now, before I go on with my story, I have to take you back about 25 years and tell you another one. It was 1983 and I was pregnant with my daughter Kelsey. My Ex hubby, Gary and I were on a trip with the youth choir in our church as counselors/chaperones.  We were traveling to 8 churches so that the youth choir could perform for them. When we arrived at one church a number of its members were present and we were to be divided up to stay in their homes. When the kids were all assigned to homes, we moved on to the adults. When Gary and I stood, one odd little woman stood up and said that she would like to take us to her home because she had a baby bed. ………………think about it…..think about it……. I DON’T HAVE A BABY, I’M PREGNANT!

Ok, so we went to the crazy woman’s home and it was an interesting experience. This woman was an artist and she had painted the inside of her house……not a color mind you, the walls were covered with cartoons, caricatures, animals and faces etc.  She explained to us how each one was representative of a person she’d met or known in her life. She had Snoopy and the Charlie Brown crew and even little tiny bugs and cobwebs painted in corners. The combination of characters was odd, but the detail was actually impressive. Among all the critters, were hundreds of Cardinals. There were paintings and figurines and framed pictures of redbirds all over the house. I must admit, I was a little creeped out and Gary and I kept looking at each other to be sure we were communitcating visually if we needed to RUN.  She showed us to our very small room where we put our luggage in the full sized crib.  We freshened up and then I went to sit and visit with the woman.

As we talked, she began telling me about the redbirds. She said that she believed God comes to us as redbirds and each time she sees one, she knows God is with her.  Strangely enough, that story has stayed with me through out my life.  I don’t recall her name, I don’t recall what city we were in but I can tell you that from that day to this, I DO think of God when I see Cardinals. They’re rare and beautiful and I believe they symbolize many wonderful aspects of God.

Ok so fast forward, back to about 2003, when life was hitting me hard and I was feeling neglected by God.  After months of feeling alone, I prayed very hard for God to show me a Cardinal, so that I could KNOW that He was with me and loved me. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed for weeks. I would find myself scouring the skies when I was outside, even when I was driving, which isn’t a good thing to do…but no redbird ever appeared. After a month or so, I determined, that God must not really care about my broken heart. I was just another burdensome person wanting His help.

The next week, we had a Boot Camp Seminar and I did my job as I always do. I helped others and I gave of myself but inside, I was feeling alone. On the last day of Boot Camp, I walked to the Director’s desk where I sit and there was a card there with my name on it. I opened the card and here is what it said:

Here’s what was written inside:

Now understand this, I get a lot of Thank You notes, but this is not a “Thank You”, it was a message for me! And look at the front of the card on the girl’s knee. THAT MY FRIENDS, IS A REDBIRD! The woman who gave me this card didn’t know me and I never saw her again, but I know that God used her that day to give me hope and to tell me that He was with me. What struck me the most was that for weeks I had been looking up in the sky, where “I” assumed a redbird would be but my bird wasn’t in the sky, it was on a greeting card, left by a stranger. I believe that God was telling me that His ability is beyond my limits!  I wondered how many redbirds I must have passed because I was looking up!

I’m telling this story to those of you who need hope. If you’re sad, lonely or feeling like God doesn’t care, let me assure you that He does. I’ve told this story many times over the years and I hear from people that they too now think of God when they see Cardinals. I’ve put some beautiful Cardinals here for you so you’ll know you’re not alone!  God does have a plan and He doesn’t make mistakes.  If you want to see God, don’t just look up………look everywhere!

If you’re a regular on my site, you’ve read stories about the loss of my beloved brother Paul.  You’ve read some stories about the troubles with my real Dad….so please let me now say……….YES, I really do have a wonderful, grounded and loving family!  ha!  (You can put a face with a name at the bottom of this post!)

Let me introduce you:

You’ve read about my husband John.  He’s a wonderful man who truly adores our whole family!  He is a second generation State Farm Agent and a third generation Baylor Grad.  He’s a sports freak….mostly football, but I’m guessing he’d watch competitive Bass fishing if that’s all he could find.  He loves being involved in Fantasy Football.  He’s extremely handy to have around the house and probably owns at least one of every power tool made.  

I have two children. 

Kelsey, my daughter, is 25 years old and is married to Daron.  She is a Teacher and he is a Data Analyst.  They live in an adorable house that completely reflects their artistic personalities!  Kelsey is becoming quite the cook.  Daron is a diehard KC Chief’s fan and he is a pretty major sports hound too.  Both Kelsey and Daron are musical and met one another because of music….but that is a story I will tell another time.

My son Clint is almost 20.  He has an apartment of his own and is a student.  He hopes to study film at the Dallas Art Institute soon.  Clint is a free spirit who is also extremely creative.  He is at a stage of life where is favorite hobby is socializing.  

I have two wonderful step sons:

Thomas is 15 and plays football for his school.  He loves sports and is a chip off the old block.  He thinks he would like to attend Baylor to follow in his Dad and Grandfather’s footsteps.  Thomas and I enjoy cruising around in my convertible with the music up and we love watching movies together.

Lawson is 11 and he too is a little sports junkie!  He loves baseball and is a great catcher!  Lawson is learning to play the guitar and he also loves to cook!  He is our little tool-man in the making because he LOVES doing things with power tools with his dad.  

At home, the boys LOVE challenging John and I to games of Scrabble or dominos.  Clint comes over most Sundays and plays games and watches movies with us.  Thomas and Lawson especially love our annual trip to Silverton CO to 4-wheel and do outdoorsy-guy-stuff.  They are crazy about doing things with their dad and he eats up every minute with them!  We have a really wonderful family life that is somewhat reminiscent of the Cleaver’s in a blended-dysfunctional sort of way.  We actually sit together for meals and spend a lot of time doing “family” things.  We have normal boys who zone out on video games during the week (actually, that includes Kelsey and Daron too) but on the weekends, we mostly have a “NO GAMING” zone around the house and we do things together.

My goal is to one day have Daron and Clint working for my company with hopes they’ll take it over so I can retire.  Lawson and Thomas stake their claim to leading either of our family businesses as well.  John and I hope all 4 will take over our hard work one day while he and I travel!

My mom, Sherry, has been happily married to my Stepdad, Art for more than 25 years now.  My mom was the anchor of our family growing up and I attribute my business sense and occasional spells of level-headedness to her!  She is a Vice President of a private Bank and has been in Banking all of her career.  My stepdad is an Architect by trade and has his own consulting firm.  He also works with my company as our staff architect when we need his expertise.   He is my “real” father in my heart and I have been blessed to have him for so long I can hardly remember life before him.  Both mom and Art are involved with the Boot Camp as Trainers.

I have some wonderful other family members:

My Grandmother, (Grams) Alice is one of my heroes.  She lives in Tulsa OK and is still very active.  My Grandfather, Ed would probably be my favorite human of all time.  I absolutely adored him and he adored me!  He passed away in 1997 leaving a legacy of the church he loved and built in Tulsa.  He Pastored his church for more than 30 years before he retired.   My Granddad also LOVED horses!  He raised quarter horses and when he wasn’t at the church, he did whatever people do with horses as much as he could!  Their Church is still going and in 2007 celebrated it’s 50th Anniversary.  Grams still serves at the Church as the queen of hospitality!  She still tends a large garden in the summers and makes the best peach cobbler on the planet! 

My Sister-in-Law Melissa, remarried after my brother Paul died.  She and Paul had a daughter, Rachel.  She and her husband Richard, have a son Marshall who is 15.  Richard lost his battle with Diabetes in 2004.  He was a wonderful man, husband and father man who loved his wife and kids and accepted us all as his own family.  Melissa is a music therapist who oversees the needs of students in an entire school district. 

Of course, there is my niece Rachel.  She is a full time student now and hopes to one day be a paramedic.  She is a bright talented and very witty girl who has streak of independence just like her Aunt Dana.  I love that about her!  My Nephew Marshall is a very talented musician but hasn’t quite figured out what he wants to be when he grows up!

I have wonderful cousins that I adore!  See the photo below of the “cousins” at my Grandparent’s 50th Church anniversary.  These are all the cousin’s with the exception of course of my Brother and also, my cousin Mike who lives in Denton but couldn’t be there.  In the photo are my cuz’s, Kris, Patricia and Phillip along with our sweet Grandmother (Grams).  Kris and Patricia are sister’s.  They have a brother Mike and are the children of my mom’s sister, Judy.  Kris and Patricia are probably more talented than any of the rest of us.  Kris paints, draws and designs amazing interiors.  Patricia is a paralegal by day and a culinary whiz by night.  My cousin Phillip is the only child of my mother’s baby brother and my favorite Uncle, Jim.  Phillip is the brains of the family with his 2 degrees in things I can’t even explain and is also musically gifted as a drummer!

My cousin’s and I are all artistic in one way or another though the common denominator in our family would probably be music.  Almost every member is musically talented and we all cut our teeth on Southern Gospel.  Today, our musical choices probably vary from head-bangin rock to classical but we all love music.

I have an adorable Father-in-law, John (Sam) who lives in South Texas and stays extremely busy working disaster recovery with Texas Baptist Men.  He runs circles around us and we marvel at how he just goes and goes.  John talks to him almost daily just to try to keep up with where he is. 

Family is so important to me.  Through the tragic loss of my brother I learned to LOVE with my whole heart…..all the time!  I try every day to take nothing and no one for granted and never let a chance pass to say “I love you”.  It’s easy to focus on the losses and family tragedy, especially when you’re a story teller like me, So I write this special entry to let you know that I am blessed with a wonderful life and family!

Here are some photos from my family album.

COULD WE BE RELATED??

John and I just went to the King Tut exhibit and it was wonderful! As you can see….I had a blast! The King and I both love the bling!

If we hadn’t been certain that we were going into a museum to see some artifacts, I’d have sworn we were taking a tour of the mysterious Fort Knox or being escorted into area 51 or something!  We went through no less that 3 security checks and stood in a couple of lines. Then we stood outside two enormous wooden doors under a sign that said in giant gold letters, “Tutankhamun”.  We were not without a guide until they sealed us into the one way in, one way out exhibit which of course, dumped us out into the souvenir shop.

So here is what I learned and observed: The Egyptians were a loyal people who followed leadership, worked hard and believed in being prepared for the afterlife. The Pharaoh, Akhenaten, who was the Pharaoh, just before King Tut (assumed to be Tut’s father though it is not certain), had begun a revolution when he changed the National Religion of the day from the worshiping of “Gods” to the worshiping of ONE God, Aten, God of the Sun. His subjects were not too happy about it so needless to say, this Pharaoh was highly unpopular at the time of his death after only a 5 year reign. Perhaps Akhenaten’s greatest claim to fame was his wife Nefertiti whom has become one of the most recognizable names as a result of a Bust that is one of the most copied art pieces of Ancient Egypt.

Tutankhamun was named King at the age of NINE years old. His rule lasted only 10 years when he died suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 19. Can you imagine a 9 year old Pharaoh who is considered to be a God?! Unbelievable! The greatest legacy of Tut left during his reign was that he reinstated the Country’s previous religion, restored the priests to their leadership positions and reopened the temples. Overall, it could be said that Tut, though well liked, was not one of the most notable Pharaoh’s or even one of the top ten of all time.  He never fought in battle or led his soldiers into war and was basically obscure.  In fact, Tut’s existence was known by scientists only a few years prior to the discovery of his tomb but he was defined as an ”unknown” Pharaoh. Isn’t it amazing that this young boy went from being an “unknown” to perhaps one of the most talked about figures in ancient history?

The entrance to Tut’s tomb was found by accident when a water carrier was trying to dig holes to secure pots of water in. When the tomb was open, the mystery of Tut was both answered and born. They found the tomb virtually undisturbed though it had been robbed a few months after his burial. The actual burial chamber was untouched from the time it was sealed some 3000 years ago! The drawings, writings and artifacts buried with Tut told us a great deal about this boy King and in fact represent all that we actually know about him.  He wasn’t a big or strong man, in fact, at 5′6″, he was just a scrawny boy. He was married and it is presumed he had two stillborn daughters.

While we don’t know a lot, there were some things that struck me about Tut that can be surmised from what we do know about him.

Based on hieroglyphics and writings, Tut was a loving husband. He fathered two children whose bodies had been mummified and were buried with him in his tomb. It was clear to me that this man was loved. He was a dedicated leader who actually listened to his advisors and who cared what his subjects wanted. He was traditional as demonstrated in his returning his people to the traditional religion of Egypt. He was spiritual in that he changed his name, (thereby changing its meaning) in order to honor the God Amun. Tut showed no fear in standing up for what he believed in when he reversed the religious changes of his predecessor. He was in good health. No physical problems were detected including perfect teeth! He cared enough to take care of himself.

It appeared that Tut was well regarded by his subjects as indicated by their rush to send him into the afterlife with honor and dignity after his unplanned and untimely death. There were items that were lovingly placed with him and indicate the affection those around him had from him. It is believed that his mother, step-mother and wife were living at the time of his death and no doubt some of the more playful items from his childhood like his little chair and several games. A tomb had not been prepared for Tut so one was donated for his burial. There were many figurines called shabit’s that were believed to be able to come to life and serve him in the afterlife.  There were golden statues of royal guards to protect the entrance of his tomb and two intricately carved and painted boats to take him down the river to the afterlife. He was burried in 6 elaborate, gold and jewel encrusted nesting boxes and coffins.  To give you an idea of the value of his treasures, it is said that just the inner coffin alone, which was solid gold, would be worth over 1.7 million dollars today.

Ok so I’ve given you this history lesson on King Tut to show you that you don’t have to change the world to leave a legacy.  Think about these questions and write down your answers:

What are/were the names your Grandparents?

What were the names of your Great Grandparents?

What were the names of your Great-Great Grandparents?

Even if you know names of your family members, what else do you know about them?

It doesn’t take long to run out information does it? Now ask yourself this: Will my grandchildren’s children, remember me? What will they be told about my legacy?

It is somewhat scary to realize that unless we’re a president, extremely wealthy or a person worthy of historical significance, our life goes by virtually undocumented for the most part. More than likely, within less than 100 years of our death, we’re virtually forgotten. I know that is kind of a downer isn’t it?

Well, I determined long ago, that wanted my legacy to be that I was loving, loyal and fun. What better legacy to leave behind. I love deeply and passionately. I love God and treasure my relationship with Him. I love life and I believe in and seek joy and laughter. It is my hope that if artifacts of my existence are ever uncovered, that they would reflect these things. If nothing else could be said of me, I would want it said that I was loving and joyful!

If thousands of years from now, somone dug up your home, what would they learn about you?  What is your legacy and what do you want to be remembered for?  Have you ever really considered what you’re leaving behind?  Start with the people in your household. Do they find you loving, loyal, joyful, peaceful, dedicated, and diligent or are you stressed out, overworked, anxious, frustrated, angry and exhausted?

Are you passing down generational garbage, or are you building your family’s legacy? 

If what you’ve written down about your own legacy is true, then share it with your family and ask them if they feel what you’ve written accurately reflects what they percieve your legacy to be. 

There is a trend in our culture and perhaps in our world that involves people being reckless with their words. It’s a personal peeve of mine because I (try to) live by a principle that I learned many years ago, that my words should be IMPECCABLE. When my kids were young, I drilled the phrase into their heads, BE YOUR WORD! Now, I assure you my kids could be the first to tell you I have failed with my words at times.  Nonetheless, it is something I believe in.  I gained this philosophy in part, from a book that I LOVE called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is a book based on Toltec wisdom which I think we could all learn from. If you’re a coaching client of mine, you’ve probably read it because it’s a must for my clients. My favorite agreement is the first one about our words……..but ALL of the agreements are life changing when put to use. I wish it were a National requirement for everyone to read this book every 2 years!

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
   Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
   
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
   Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
   
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
   Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
   
4. Always Do Your Best
   Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
   

I get hundreds of emails a week and my take is that many people just do and say whatever pops into their heads without regard for the person or persons they’re targeting with their message. A great example of that is our political race. I get so much garbage mail slamming candidates. I was bombarded after the Vice Presidential debate for 2 days. The senders didn’t care what my personal position or views are because they simply seek to be vocal about their own distaste of the opposing party. As for politics, why would I slam a candidate that I don’t even know when both candidates sling mud and few seldom deliver their promises once in office anyway? I get to vote my conscience and you get to vote yours why so much noise about it? In fact, much of what I get in emails I have to run through sites like Snopes to even see if it’s true. There seem to be few people who even care if they are communicating lies or truth. It’s just about the freedom to hit “send”.

Here are some other examples that stand out where I’ve experienced the abuse of words:

• The Media every day.
• I take a particular interest, and have done a great deal of research on the topic of “bullying” in our public school system. It’s a great example of the devastation words can bring.
• When my brother passed away, I actually received condolences from a few people because they knew my grief must be compounded by knowing my brother was in Hell as a result of his committing suicide.
• Political candidates are constantly slamming one another and you can’t get a straight answer from any of them. Then “we” as a society, parrot their propaganda.
• In our churches, we hear sermons that are often not at all reflective of the Greatest Commandment, which was to love. Far too much judgment.

Here’s another example: The Dixie Chicks. Do you remember the crazy mess that resulted when they spoke carelessly about the President in an inappropriate setting?  Equally wrong was the dramatic outrage from the public that even included death threats. What is wrong with the world? Don’t misunderstand me, I like the Dixie Chicks but all parties in that drama were wrong because no one was impeccable with their words. What a waste of time and energy? What an emotional drain on all of us to have to hear about it day after day and song after song!

In the book of James the Bible talks about how we can actually murder with our words. If you’ve ever seen or experienced, the effects of emotional or verbal abuse, you know what I mean. It may perhaps be more damaging than a fist. It’s tragic really but very true and often right in our own homes! I would speculate that as a society, we are seldom impeccable in the way we speak to our spouses or our children and it is reflected by the state of our homes, schools and Country.

So why has our society made it so easy for people to sound off opinions without responsibility? Is it really our First Amendment Right to be offensive and uneducated? This may be a better question; why have we made it acceptable for our own FRIENDS and acquaintances to barrage us daily in our inboxes and yet we seldom speak up and object? Why don’t we demand that only impeccable information be sent to us rather than allow someone to conduct a one-sided debate on their personal views in a forum that doesn’t bring about change anyway? WHY? What’s the purpose in all the rhetoric?

Well, you may not want to hear my honest thoughts but you are on my site……and this is an appropriate forum for me to share my thought-out position on this subject.  Here it is: I think people who fly off without regard for facts or the views of the others are just being plain stupid. Ok, maybe they’re not “stupid” (always) but they are certainly reckless with words. Why would intelligent, sensitive people hurl, potentially offensive opinions, whether in an email or in person, to people that they care about or regard as friends? What are we trying to prove? Why so much drama?

I believe that what we SPEAK into the world, says something about who we are. When we take our negative thoughts or opinions and release them into the atmosphere, we are only damaging ourselves. Do you believe that we can make a positive change in the world by using negative words and responses? What do your words say about you?

If the media misstates something, we’re all over them. If our politicians make biased comments or say a single word out of line, they can be sacrificed on the altar of the public conscience. If our churches judge a person or a group, we get all up in arms about it. We hold our leaders to a standard of perfection and then we do or say whatever we want to in any method we want without regard to truth or feelings of others. It isn’t about what you believe in, it’s about being impeccable……..in my opinion. It drives me crazy to see good people contribute to the overwhelmingly negative vibe that encapsulates the world we live in?

Here is my disclaimer:  For the record, I’m not talking about jokes or even opinions given appropriately with consideration of the other person.  AND NO, I do NOT think that any of us should be pushovers with no opinions of our own! What I do believe is that if we only add to the noise and rhetoric of our society, what have we accomplished?  Don’t let someone else cause you to use your power and words in wrong way because when you do…….they win through your loss of credibility. There are good ways to take a stand but not until you are fully armed with truth and love.   AND BY THE WAY: There is power in silence too. If you believe in the example modeled by Jesus when he walked the earth, then you will appreciate as I do, the example he left behind on this very subject! If you believe that Jesus was God then you believe He could have put a halt to all the injury He suffered. Yet, He was put on trial and spoke not one single word in His own defense. If you’ve known me long, you’ve heard me say “Jesus didn’t talk to STUPID”. Well you know what, neither should we!

If I haven’t ticked you off by now, I have a challenge for you. My challenge is that you read The Four Agreements and if you’re a Christian, you might also read the Book of James. While you’re in the Bible take some time to research the capabilities of Satan. We’re told in the Bible that he is unable to read our minds. So where does he get the ammunition to harm us or challenge us in our weakest areas? I believe he gets it from us and our own negative words. Will you take a stand? Will you take a look at your own conduct when you get revved up about something? Will you consider whether your negative words or comments will have a positive result before you speak them? Will you find a way to share your views in ways that reflects your own character? It isn’t about being perfect and always getting it right, it is just about thinking first. Is your theme love and if so, do your words reflect that?

Are your words IMPECCABLE?

This week I went to have dinner with my long time best friend of 20 + years, Lisa.  It was the first time I’d seen her since the death of her sister Gail a few weeks before.  Gail suffered from Cancer and wasn’t diagnosed until she was already in Stage 4.  From the time she found out, her family had only weeks left with her.

Lisa knows that I am all too familiar with grief, particularly from the loss of a sibling.  As we talked, those old emotions came to the surface.  It’s funny how new grief can bring back old.  Grief brings such a broad range of conflicting emotions and they come, go and evolve so quickly.  Especially in those early days after a loss.

We talked a little about the contrasts of our circumstances.  My brother was gone so quickly and unexpectedly, while Gail knew a few weeks ahead and had a chance to spend those last days with her family.  Ironically, none of that really changes the feelings to those left behind.  Grief is grief.  I grieved my brother being buried and knowing that his body was so physically close when I was at the cemetery.  Lisa has a small container with her sister’s ashes and was stung by the fact that there is no trace of her sister on the earth.  Life is such a vapor and no matter what steps we take to commemorate, honor or even bury our loved ones, the grief is the same. 

Lisa and I caught up on husbands, kids and new business ventures but regardless of the topic, Gail was present in our hearts the whole time we talked.  Lisa shared with me that she and her sister had agreed to share the color orange.  I thought that was such a beautiful place to find one another even after Gail was gone.  It happened when Gail commented on the color she loved so much and Lisa responded that she would look for and listen for her sister when she encountered the color orange.  Needless to say, there have been sweet moments for Lisa, looking at bright flowers and thinking of Gail. 

After my brother passed away, I kept one of his old flannel shirts that I wore around the house.  I also communicated with him through writing.  I used to take letters to the cemetery and put them in the rose vase on his grave.  I’m sure the grounds keeper wanted to take me aside on more than one occasion to inform me that the vase was NOT a mail chute, but he didn’t.  I felt closer to Paul if I could give him notes and letters.  I recall the last note I wrote to my brother was at about the one year anniversary of his death and it contained my forgiveness.  I needed to tell him that I forgave him for taking his own life and that I wanted him to be free from the burden of my intense grief and anger.  I had envisioned him in heaven but bound by the weight of my grief and my broken heart that couldn’t let him go.  The day I delivered that message, I released him and that was my last letter. 

If you’ve never lost a close loved one, you may not understand the treasured moments that make you feel close even beyond the grave.  My letters served their purpose of helping me deal with my feelings and process them to a point that I could forgive and say goodbye.  Orange will provide the same release for Lisa.

During the grief process, it is hard to hear the well-meaning but often ridiculous comments made by people with no clue what to say.  They are hoping to ease your pain but instead their comments make you want to retreat inside and keep it all to yourself.  Grief is an unavoidable process that we must all experience at some point in life.  It demands that we be in touch with what we feel so that we can proceed through it in a healthy way.  So……..when you hear those comments about your loved one being in “better place” or that it was “just God’s time” and you really want to choke the person who is saying it for what feels like the 200th time, don’t shut down.  Try instead to keep one thing in perspective, heaven is the reward. 

Whatever you’re grieving, it’s not too late to give your grief a physical outlet.  Write about it, find a song or even a color that connects you to the feelings you have and helps you release the emotions.  You might even find a place that makes you feel close to your loved one like a park or a patio somewhere.  It could be a cemetery but it could also be the peacefulness of your own backyard.  It doesn’t matter if your loved one is laid to rest blocks away or in a foreign land, healing comes from recognition and expression of feelings.  Some people form non-profits or raise funds for research.  They have found a healthy way to connect to their loved one so they can heal. 

When you find that place of serenity, where you can feel a connection with your loved one, you will experience a lot of emotion but in time you will find joy again. If you get stuck and emotionally disconnect from your feelings, you will delay your own healing.  We, who continue to live on this earth are left with sadness and a broken heart after death, but always know that all of our loved ones are still with us…..even if only in a song, a neighborhood park or the color of ORANGE. 

I love you Lisa and I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious sister!  These flowers are for you and may you see orange every day and feel peace!

 

Last week, I served on a Jury for an 18 year old boy who is charged with 4 major felonies that are all some variation of attempted murder.  His name is Edward Ji and he lived in Frisco. The issue before us was whether or not Edward was competent to stand trial on the felony charges.  It took very little time for us to find that he was in fact, competent.  Our requirements were to determine that he 1.) understood the charges against him and 2.) could help his attorney with his defense.  He was found capable of both within less than 30 minutes.  I was the jury foreperson, so when the Judge questioned me in court about our findings, I faced both he and this young boy and answered that we had indeed reached a unanimous verdict.  Edward was sitting in his chair with ankles shackled in his prison garb.  When the judge read our verdict, Edward gave an approving nod as if to thank me and smiled at me as he looked over the top of his glasses that were sliding down his nose.  He was quite happy with the verdict.  During this trial, we learned some sad things about this boy. 

It turned out that he had a fascination with serial killers and had aspirations to join their ranks.  He told one Doctor that he hoped to collect the hands of his victims and keep them in jars of alcohol.  He wanted to be famous for killing and admired several notorious killers. 

In 2006, Edward found the courage to attempt his first act of violence.  He was a 10th grader who was 16 years old at the time of his crime.  His first attempt at killing failed as he took aim at a man, out walking his dog.  He missed.  Within a few days, he found the courage to try again.  This time, he randomly picked a house and determined to knock on the door and kill whoever answered it.  The unsuspecting young boy who opened the door was 14 years old.  Thankfully, after many days in the hospital near death, he survived the two gunshot wounds to his chest.

Within days, Edward was arrested and through a series of legal maneuvers, has now spent close to 2 years in the Collin County Jail awaiting trial.  Our jury removed the last barrier to his being tried on felony charges by the end of this year. 

I was sad when I watched Edward’s mother weep, barely able to testify.  She spoke through a Mandarin interpreter and it was clear that she knew something was wrong with her son.  Physically, Edward was somewhat frail but his cockiness demonstrated his desire to be taken serious.  He spoke out in the courtroom several times against the warnings of his attorney and was completely unmoved by the testimonies given by his parents. 

Edward, is determined to act as his own counsel and made it clear to professionals, that he had no desire to avoid prosecution.  He even sarcastically boasted to one Doctor about prison being his retirement home.  He is fully aware that he could spend most of, if not the rest of, his life in prison.  Yet, he smiled.

As I sat in the courtroom watching, I knew the pain of his family all too personally.  The odd behavior of this boy and the circumstances he was facing were like a reflection into my own past.  You see, Edward is very much like my own father.  

My father too is mentally ill.  My father too committed a violent criminal act when in a jealous rage, he attempted to kill someone and returned fire with the police when they tried to intervene.  My dad is in prison now on 3 charges of attempted capital murder, 2 of those are against police officers.  At the time of his arrest, he had more than 100 rounds in his pocket. 

Edward is diagnosed with Psychotic, Bi Polar and Schizoid behavior, as well as personality disorders such as Narcissism, Depression, Social Anxiety and Sociopathic traits.  Though Edward’s acts were driven by psychosis and were more pronounced than my dad’s, their Narcissistic traits of arrogance and charm were shockingly similar.  My father is Bi Polar with social and personality disorders such as Depression, Narcissism, and Sociopathic traits.  My father’s Psychosis is showing up more and more these past few years in the form of paranoia and his rewriting stories of his life with more palatable versions in which HE is the victim.  By the time my dad actually went to trial, he had convinced himself that he had been framed by the police. 

Edward has chosen NOT to launch a defense but instead, he wants to act as his own counsel and see if he can beat the system.  If he fails and is incarcerated, I have no doubt that he, like my dad, will blame someone else for the outcome.  When my dad was arrested, he was sure he could charm his jury.  He was certain that the police would help him because he was cooperative.  He chose to testify and he was 100% certain he would be released.  In prison, he boasted year after year of his imminent parole, but I learned through the Parole Board that he would never be eligible for parole due to his bad behavior.  The irrationality of it was outlandish to me, but to my father it was real and no one could convince him otherwise.  Since then, his stories have become more and more outrageous, until I ultimately had to sever contact with him. 

My dad will be released next year.  Not paroled, but released.  HIs time will have been fully served.  It frightens me to think about having to deal with his craziness in my life again and though I have severed the relationship, I still somehow know I will stand face to face with my dad again.  

I’m not sure why I wrote this entry, but perhaps for me it is cathartic.  It is a part of my life that has certainly helped me become who I am today albeit a painful journey.  Though I live my life with no regrets, I would certainly have written these chapters of my life differently if I could.  I am still processing this experience with Edward Ji but I would like to think that perhaps God put me on his jury for a reason.  Maybe I was there to be reminded of the truth about mental illness so that I don’t doubt my choices with regard to my dad.  Perhaps seeing the reflection of my father in Edward was so that I would recall the irrational thinking that is steadfast with people who suffer this type of mental illness.  Perhaps its purpose was to bring back the memories of all the times I tried to explain the truth to my dad only to get back a response full of distorted theories that could take on new paranoia and conspiracies with each conversation. 

If you are dealing with any social disorders or mental illness, whether a friend, relative or yourself, I encourage you to seek the help of a professional.  These disorders vary from fully functional every day people to the more severe types as I have written about today.  It’s critical to get the help of a proper professional.  For any conditions involving the need for prescription drugs, it is imperative that you seek the advice of a Psychiatrist as they are the highest qualified professionals in such treatment. 

I encourage you not to be afraid to take that step.  Edward could easily have joined the ranks of his serial killing heroes right here close to our homes.  He was gaining the courage to execute his murderous plan when through luck and perfect timing, he was apprehended.  Edward Ji’s parents were cautioned by his teacher’s and counselor’s that he needed help.  His mother made him an appointment once but cancelled it.  He never got the help he needed. 

Perhaps you’re thinking: this is an awful topic Dana and certainly not fun to think about.  Unfortunately, in my life, it has been an anavoidable chapter.  Sadly, millions of other Americans can relate to my situation, which is why I write about it.  This site is DanaHamman.com so it makes sense for me to share it here.  It is, afterall, the only life I have!  Stick with me!  More good stuff to come! 

If you’re interested, here is the story about the trial:  http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/092608dnmetcompetencyhearing.af739c28.html